I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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