I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
