the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
