Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize