Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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