Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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