how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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