Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
