woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
