Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
