I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
