First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
