I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
