Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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