She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
