So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so let's talk penis.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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