I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
