i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize