I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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