I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
