she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
