AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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