thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
