She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
