take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
