New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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