I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
