I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was born a porn star she said
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize