So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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