Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
