he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
