Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
