God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
