I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize