I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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