I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize