I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
