he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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