Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
