Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize