Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
