his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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