Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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