Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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