No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
