and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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