I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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