I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
