dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
