We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
