i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
