White coat. Heels.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
