I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
