why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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