Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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