LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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