just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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