apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
