So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
