The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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