omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
