Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
