she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
