ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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