Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
